A Moment Suspended in Amber

Press the play icon to start the podcast. The music playing is Una Furtiva Lagrima performed by Luciano Pavarotti.

Podcast Powered By Podbean

SPEAK, EVOCATIVE MEMORY

My early life was a blurred succession of houses, schools and countries. The memories, as sharp and clear as they are, are both unanchored in conventional time and have the patina of memory’s reworking them, consisting of both fantasy and wish fulfillment. Talismans, transitional object and relics are all a part of this rich, highly evocative tapestry. My father’s moth eaten indigenous sarape, in a traditional pattern, is never far from my sight.

Similarly, my postage stamp collection was a magic carpet which catapulted me right out of my immediate environment. If I had a stamp with the flag of Luxemburg in front of me, I was soon hovering over the capital of Luxemburg, looking down at the little houses below. My hypothesis is that there is a little Lemuel Gulliver who lives inside all of us.

One of the saddest part of these memories is that I have no reference group to corroborate them as the witnesses are all gone. Hence, just like the Ancient Mariner I “grabeth one of three” and with him “I must share my tale.” Compelling similarities to Ishmael in “Moby Dick” (the novel, not the rock group) are somewhat comforting.

I can also walk into a room where I have never been before and, if I am particularly focused upon my external environment, something in the room will catch my attention and I will feel a strong tug of familiarity and the stimulus can be as peripheral as the wind blowing the curtains in an open window. “Wherever you go, there you are.” (Attributed to Confucius) says it all.

SPARKY GOES YOGA

I am very familiar with the mind-body connection in my field and in my life, and, at this time, I have had over 100 Rolfings and currently continue them about once every six weeks. In addition, I am quite familiar with Primal Scream Therapy and have spent countless hours both participating and observing Hot Seat work as part of the Human Encounter Movement. I'm also quite enthusiastic about massages and have them as the opportunity arises.

The idea of Yoga never entered my mind as I considered it a bit ”fringy” perhaps even a bit too “New Age” for me. It was clear to me that the dress, mannerisms and energy from people who were deeply into yoga clearly stood out in my mind although I had no idea at all the connection between their discipline and their overt behavior.

Several months before I had my unfortunate hip replacement surgery, I woke up one morning (no doubt this sounds familiar) and I decided that I was going to check out this creature called Yoga. I was very fortunate in that the neighborhood where I live has what is arguably the best yoga site in Washington DC so I proceeded to quickly sign up for two gentle yoga introductory classes.

Leaving aside all the mechanics of this new environment, I experienced an interesting phenomenon.

Whereas working with my personal trainer in physical rehabilitation just ended up making me physically tired, after a yoga session I literally floated through my activities for the rest of the day and never experienced any tiredness.

I work out at least four times a week for an hour, stretching, lifting weights and working on balance. I have hired a personal yoga instructor and as a result, I have completely changed my workouts.

My personal instructor, Suzie Hurley, the head of the Willow Street Yoga Center, is a woman with four grown children. She moves just like a young ballet dancer and it is magical to me to watch her demonstrate the exercises. Among her many contributions to my physical awareness, the integration of active breathing into my exercise routine has changed it enormously. My morning routine now lasts an hour and a half, but even more important than that, I feel that I'm going much more deeply into each individual exercise and the focus on breathing brings good things to both my body and my mind.

My instructor and I like each other, enjoy talking to each other, and swapping ideas very much; if we add therapeutic assists to the equation the energy exchange becomes exponential in its amplitude.

Based in part on her willingness to give and my willingness to receive, I have ended up signing up for a week at a Trappist monastery during the first week of February. The quiet, contemplative life of a monk has always been very appealing to me and while I have no idea what to expect I'm very open to whatever happens. I'm sure what I experience will end up being discussed on my blog.

Simply writing this way about a course modification in my life brings a sense of quiet repose to me and somehow, in an unknown manner, it is all connected to the nature of my journey.

Namastasye,

Sparky

IS SPARKY AN ALPHA-MALE? FOR THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, READ ON.

A dear friend of mine, whose opinion I value highly, told me, in a general discussion, that I was an Alpha male. No one ever told me this as directly before and I double clutched. I did not say anything at the time other than take careful note of her comment but went away and started my traditional graduate school ritual of reading about the term, thinking about it deeply, and then, of course, writing about it.

Most so-called experts in the field seem to feel that there are seven characteristics that can be used to classify

Alpha male behavior. They are:

1-One of the Alpha male characteristics, a very important one, is that he displays confidence and dominance. He leads others and is ahead of the game all time. He doesn't ask, he TELLS.

2-An Alpha male doesn't care about what other people think and doesn't need others' approval. What he wants comes first. He has confidence and is mature enough to know when to put his ego aside and those that only insecure men need to protect their egos at the expense of learning and growing.

3-Another alpha male trait is that he knows that women are secondary goal, never a primary goal. Women and sex are important but not the focus of his life. Women will be the side benefit of life that is fully lived and confidently navigated. The alpha male never does favors or buys things for woman in order to earn her approval.

4-Another one of the Alpha male’s characteristics is that he isn’t possessive or jealous, because he isn't needy. He doesn’t smother women and he doesn't put them on a pedestal. He believes that any woman would be lucky to have him and if he gets rejected, it's her loss, not his.

5-An important Alpha male trait is a sense of humor. An alpha male has a well-developed sense of humor. He knows how to laugh at the rest of the world as well as himself. He makes others laugh, and feel good about themselves. People around the alpha male tend to get sucked into his reality because he's interesting and makes them feel comfortable.

6-For an Alpha male, he has places to go and people to see. He doesn't have time to wait for woman more than 15 min. when she's late and doesn't wait on the phone if she puts him on hold. He knows that time is a valuable asset and never wastes it.

7-The Alpha male forgives himself for his failures and he knows that failure is a part of life. The only men who do not fail are those not try. Success is just a few failures away.

Out of the seven criteria listed above, I can easily say that numbers 1, 2, 4 and 5 do somewhat apply to me although the differences are very important.

Numbers 3 and 6 are complete test misses and criterion number 7 needs extensive revision in order for it to make any sense to me.

I have always been aware that my large physical size and my considerable athletic ability have had a great deal to do with how people perceive me. Is very important to state that the last time I struck another human being in anger was when I was 14 years old, 62 years ago. The very idea of raising my fist in anger against my brother or my sister is a total anathema to me.

It is certainly true that I don't do guilt or shame. What other people think of me is relatively unimportant but that fact depends totally on the person to whom I am relating. If I care for the person, it is clear to me that his or her impression of me is extremely important. “What will people think?” Is a generic question that bewilders me.

While it is true that I am not possessive or jealous I certainly do put women on a pedestal and I believe that in any growth oriented relationship the two people involved take turns in doing exactly that for one another. If we fail at establishing this egalitarian balance, we have a relationship based upon power with dominance and submission as the dynamic I have the scars on my soul from having been rejected by women and the net effect of that is that I've learned lessons that were completely necessary in order for me to grow.

I certainly agree that I have a sense of humor but I never laugh at people. I do, however, join people in laughter as we observe the paradoxes, flat-out contradictions and absurdities of the world around us. My laughter is never derisive but is an important method of connection. I certainly agree that the intensity of the way I express my ideas draws other people in but in addition to being a good speaker, I am also a superb listener.

It is important to note, while the discussing the subject, that my definition of self can never be a static one. It is changing all the time due in part to my own growth and the gigantic changes in the society in itself. As a result, the present portrait is nothing more than a snapshot in time.

In conclusion, I hope that the gentle reader does not feel that I am being either defensive or apologetic. The question as to whether or not I am an Alpha male is a very important one and I can only answer by providing what I hope is a fully nuanced picture rather than a two-dimensional line drawing.

I will take this post, show it to my dear friend who raised the question in the first place, and I know that she will take my reply to the event in the spirit with which it was intended and we will end up laughing hilariously together which, in the final analysis, is what this post is all about. Of course I will charge her with gender stereotyping in the third degree, but I will promise her that I will not report her to the gender police.

SPARKY'S EMPIRICAL ANALYSIS OF HIS BLOG

I have been blogging since August 28, 2008, a total of 3 years and 3 months and have written approximately 130 blogs. I have summarized my activities from time to time and it seems that it is appropriate for me to do this once again. The information that I gain from this analysis is a complete surprise to me as I am not aware of any consistent pattern: the pattern however manifests itself very clearly.

I have broken the topics of my blogs into 8 different categories and each category is followed by the number of blogs dealing with that topic as follows:

1. Poetry, art, and music – 7
2. Death and physical illness - 16
3. Clinical mental health issues - 9
4. Male sexuality - 8
5. Gender issues - 9
6. Relationships - 15
7. Education, training, and reading - 18
8. Miscellaneous – 20

During the three years, three months that I have been blogging, I have had over 1600 hits. Many of you have been kind enough to give me very clear and focused reactions to what I have been writing and I am very appreciative of your efforts. I think it is very important to note that I have never had a negative comment and I appreciate your forbearance. It will be foolish for me to take your lack of negative comments as an endorsement of my many off-the-wall ideas.

I will be thinking about what the pattern represents in terms of my awareness of the world around me. Any insights that my readers have are more than welcome.

Keep in touch,

Sparky

SPARKY KNITS THE GENERATIONS TOGETHER

I have just had the enormous pleasure of spending a week with my nephew Alan. He is my sister Olga’s only child and I have not spent any time with him since he was nine years old. (He is now 26)

He stayed with me in my apartment and we usually ended up talking to one another until three in the morning. In Latino cultures the oldest son in the family takes on the mantle of authority inherited from the father and that is precisely the role that I occupy in Olga's family. My professional and academic successes are held up as models for other family members to emulate. Of equal importance is the fact that I provide the living connection between and among the generations as I now have the dubious honor of being the oldest in the tribe. I gave Alan my father's 250 page autobiography to read and this document provided him with an endless source of questions. There is an appropriate African saying which goes as follows:

When an old person dies, a library burns down, and I see it as my responsibility to provide the living documentation of the family journey which will be handed down intergenerationaly.

In an understandable connection with the search for generational history, Alan, at 26 years of age, is just leaving late adolescence and entering into early adulthood with a tremendous rush. For the past three years he has been touring much of the United States and Europe as the drummer in a rock band. As a vintage “Breeskin”, music occupies a prominent place in his soul.

After his band precipitously exploded, Alan tried to find a niche in the ordinary world and has become the top real estate agent for his firm in Las Vegas. This is as far away from the music profession as possible and creates a large amount of stress in terms of where he wants to go next in his development.

After the intense week that we spent with one another it is relatively straightforward for me to reach certain conclusions about Alan both because of my professional training and the fact that we are intricately connected.

His appearance is that of someone with movie star looks. Alan is not at all aware of the effect he has on women and I watch with total admiration as women attempt to catch his attention. He is totally modest about his appearance which adds, of course, spice to his charm. He works out vigorously and has the appetite for food of a healthy young man.

Moving beyond the physical to the psychological, Alan is an exquisitely sensitive human being. All five of his senses bring a rush of information into his awareness and, at times, threaten to overwhelm him with the amount of input information.

In addition, although he doesn't know this about himself yet, he is a nurturing male and is basically androgynous while being very comfortably hetero.

He has two powerful women in his life for whom he feels totally responsible. They are his mother, Olga, my sister, and his fiancée, Tambi. Both of these women strongly depend upon him for parts of their emotional security and he sees it as his task to be their Guardian. He was also raised in a strongly Catholic environment and is dealing with issues of guilt and shame on a daily basis although he has a clearly defined operative sense of honor which he follows in a praiseworthy manner.

I hope that my words do not sound excessively clinical; I care for Alan deeply as I strongly identify with his quest for authenticity and I am honored to contribute to his journey in any way that I can.

His mother, Olga, has expressed a desire to visit me and I have been invited by Alan and Tambi to their wedding in Las Vegas next September and I will be sure to attend.

Before Alan left to return home, my dear friend Rosemary Perticari filmed a two-hour video of Alan and I talking about a wide range of subjects. Once again, I am contributing this DVD to the intergenerational library. I will attempt to make this video available to people who might be interested in it.