Oximorandius: Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair.

Tautologicallisticly speaking, the creative use of oxymorons is somewhat unique. After feasting upon an airline food late appetizer of jumbo shrimp we can attend to a simple philosophical discussion dealing with business ethics and financial investment security, followed by a demonstration of military intelligence and real estate profit-strategy.

Moving slowly along, at a brisk pace, we can now deal with such topics as pharmaceutical research and consumer safety using high-energy emissions from green environmental sources.

By using professional athletes as role models we can assign value points to young students who do selective guided reading for awarded points in order to carefully educate them for corporate careers.

Cultivating independent thinking by means of cell ‘phone technology, we can link up with Thoreau’s Walden, as illustrated so subtly and graphically by B.F. Skinner's Walden II.

Having achieved a granulated, necrotic, plexus, we can move briskly, at a measured pace, to such somewhat fascinating topics as micro-economics, consumer research, and corporate philanthropy, dealing with such topics as responsible Federally supervised offshore oil exploration and Bob’s your uncle.

For the most outstandingly unique example of this topic, I would like to offer “constructive criticism” as the ne plus ultra. It is my considered opinion, oxymoronically speaking, that the receiver invariably resents criticism, no matter how delicately put.

I hope that this free gift, delicate diatribe, and simple prolixity by this punning pundit has served, in an alliterative manner, to thoroughly confuse you, as that has been my carefully considered goal. We must never forget, in the words of the poet John Keats and Diane Keaton, about a “divine negative capability.”

Now it is time to close with the obligatory poem:

SUMMER NIGHT


One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back-to-back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,

One was blind and the other couldn't see,
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout “hooray!”
A paralyzed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this story’s true,
Ask the blind man; he saw it too!

Nathan Alterman