Add in the fact that deep schisms and secrets exist in my family whose history predates my own birth and whose existence I could only faintly perceive. Typically, they would come out like “Oh, he's just like his father and you know what that means.” (!?)
To further add details of my disconnection I cannot remember having one birthday party for me in all of my life. As for family reunions, the frequency is easy to summarize as follows: F.R. = 0.
From a chronological perspective, except for my half- sister Olga who is 16 years my junior, there is no one left alive in my generation as I have outlived them all.
Please fast-forward now to the current culture. I decided, after joining Facebook, to find out how many Breeskins populated the Internet grid connection. To my great astonishment I found 27 Breeskins scattered around the world and I am still shaking my head in wonderment given this information. It is as if a dormant part of my brain (probably the amygdaloid nucleus) has suddenly become illuminated and threatens to do away with the shadows, encouraging me to modify both my existence in the world and my fundamental assumptions about myself.
Based upon my need for connection to dispel loneliness and my reverence for nostalgia and acting exactly on the advice that I give my clients, I went to Facebook, typed in the name Breeskin, and, to my astonishment, found my tribe.
My next thought simply came tumbling out of my head. My fantasy is to make the sterile lines of a genogram (family tree) into a living, breathing, document where all Breeskins would be connected.
I have a dear friend who is a world class expert in family genealogy and it would be straight-forward for her to structure a family tree and show us how the various limbs and twigs are inter-connected. Please let me know if this idea makes any sense to you.
Of course I would teach everyone the Breeskin National Anthem, initiate everyone with the secret Breeskin handshake, and once I got everyone’s clothing sizes, order Breeskin T-shirts with the family name on the front with a runic symbol as well.
Would this serve to dispel the darkness? Do the people have anything in common aside from their surname? What is the Breeskin ideology? What can I contribute that connects these people to my father? I have no idea how to answer these questions yet they are compelling to me.
Please let me know what y’all think.
-Sparky the Record Keeper
Normal Rockwell's Family Tree
2 comments:
Given the fact that you are always striving for human connection - an admirable quality, both personally and professionally - it makes perfect sense to me that you would reach out to anyone and everyone who might share any of your family history.
I've found it's easy to rely on other's memories to discover similarities and differences between ourselves and family members; hence the comments regarding you and your father ("he's just like his father, and you know what that means"). However, I've also found that it's not always in our best interest to do so. Had I listened and believed only what I've been told about my relatives, I might have been tempted to fail to create memories and impressions of my own, and in some cases, this would have been tragic. Others' perceptions of my late grandmother, for example, match mine hardly at all. For this reason, I think it's noble of you to seek out answers for yourself.
And if, for some reason, you are unsuccessful in your pursuit for answers, think then about the people in your life whom you consider family. Based on what I know about you, dear Sparky, there are an awful lot of people who would happily include themselves on the branches of your family tree.
Dear Sarah,
I am always caught by surprise at your uncanny ability to read between the lines of my writing.
You are right, as you usually are, that I am seeking human connections in my reaching out to my family tree. Like you I have taken what people said about me in my family with cum grano salise)
I never for a minute forget how much nurturance my intentional family has given me and, just as you say, I do feel that they are a part of my journey. Because I had so little of it, I think I make a sharp distinction between bio lines and life lines. I know you understand.
Love to you
sparky
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