A friend of mine, whose opinion I value, suggested, despite my well-known dislike of self-help books, a book called “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapmen, and recommended it highly. While I seriously doubted that his somewhat effusive praise was merited, he did have high credibility with me so I purchased the book read it, and took the little quiz included.
Given what I know about myself, it was easy to predict my two highest scores and indeed, I was accurate in my prediction. What caught me completely by surprise was a third score which was only a little bit lower than the first two.
Physical Touch was my highest score and almost as high was my score on Quality Time. I certainly am a “touchy-feely’ person in many different ways and there is nothing more rewarding than sharing an activity that interests us with my partner. I would pair both of these findings under the general rubric of intimacy and the fuel that these run on is the need to give to another person.
The third highest score caught me completely by surprise. It was called the Need for Affirmation. I had long prided myself on being committed to the stainless steel model of being self-contained, autonomous and independent, and not even looking to other people as a source of meeting my needs.
The compelling questions are; have people been giving me affirmation all along and have I been deaf to their words? Or, alternatively, have people considered me as someone who would not need such words? I have been cudgeling my brain trying to come up with some answers to these questions.
I was speaking to a young woman friend of mine and I was remarking that two friends of ours were so talented that they could achieve any goals that they set for themselves. The words of her response echo in my head like the peals of cathedral bells. She said “You mean, just like you.” I was stunned at the profundity of her insight! She had seemingly effortlessly connected all the dots in the picture so that even I could let myself see it and feel it. I was given the gift of a precious moment.
Was I finally able to identify and receive her affirmation of me as a result of reading that little book and finding out something about myself? Was I finally able to accept something back in return for something that I had given?
Am I in an algorithm with branching dendrites where each step that I take opens up further possible insights? Am I another” Alice in Wonderland,” falling into a rabbit hole?
While I have no idea where this open road will take me, I do know that the product at the end will leave me sadder and wiser, in that order.
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