I’ve been thinking……….. My starting point for these ideas will be the belief that both men and women have Anima and Animas inside them. The proportions of this quality can be quite different. The acceptance of such an idea, however, can be highly problematic as a super macho male fool would deny under duress that he had any virus of femininity inside of him. Similarly, a girly girl might have trouble thinking that she has any masculinity in her.
Moving smoothly along I feel that we are attracted to the reciprocal of our own typical sexual energy. That is, a masculine male will be drawn to a feminine woman. This can rapidly become extremely problematic and I hope to illustrate this as clearly as I can.
I believe that a 2x2 matrix can be used to illustrate this point graphically as follows:
There are 4 possible pairings. Let us work through the cells. The first pairing in the top left is (Masculine, Masculine) where both the male and female are masculine, there’s the opposite pairing in the bottom right cell, (Feminine, Feminine). The last two cells in the top right and bottom left are variations of the male and female having different orientations.
I am strongly drawn to masculine women as they assist me in finding the reciprocal feminine side of me. I see them as “chicks with brains” if you promise not to call out the gender police. I'm also comfortable being masculine with a woman who is comfortable with her femininity. The one combination which has great potential danger is a masculine woman and a masculine man. Here the risk of competition is, for me, prohibitive, and I will walk away from a situation of this type and not look back. Issues of control and aggression are deadly in this dyad. With a feminine woman, and me being in my feminine mode, I see no problem at all; the reciprocity would be awesome as the relationship would seek union and consensus.
I think it would be wonderful if my partner and I could actually plan and anticipate which of the roles we were going to play in any given situation. I believe that such an interaction would strengthen the relationship with epoxy glue. As an added benefit, the negotiations between us would be highly erotic and freedom to be whom we wanted to be would be the result.
Using this new set of prescription glasses I am astonished at this new way of looking at and analyzing relationships that I am in. One woman, whom I shall call Sarah, is very comfortable with her masculine side. She also has a well-developed feminine side. As a result, on an almost moment to moment basis, I find if I behave in the reciprocal manner our communication is superb and when either one of us flips, the challenge is to track the changes.
The reader who has grown familiar with my writing style can now anticipate the next step. I will have some software engineer friends of mine develop a killer telephone app which, at the click of the button, together with a portrait frame, will be able to instantly score the masculine/feminine arc from the other person and myself. Just imagine how much time and effort this would remove from a typical single's bar. The idea is now being copyrighted as we speak and the domain name is being registered as “Animus/Anima Lives!”
6 comments:
I completely agree with your observations and analysis of both the feminine and masculine sides of each individual as well as in a relationship. In my personal friendships, there is usually more of the feminine/feminine pairing in each of us (independent of whether my friend is a male of female). I am unsure of why this pairing works so well in my friendships, but I am willing to analyze it a little further and then let you know.
In my romantic relationship, however, it is more of the feminine/masculine within each of us that works the best. This is both superficial (as in how we conduct ourselves in accordance to our assigned and chosen gender) as well as something deeper (emotionally, mentally). We both have been the crier and the consoler, when the situation calls for it. There is no power struggle in our relationship; our energies are purely fluid and depend of each individual situation. I agree: "Animus/Anima Lives!"
Dear Ann Marie, Thank you for sharing your ideas on this elusive subject. Part of what I have slowly learned I have learned from you; indeed you can easily be the joint author with me.You clearly see the dance of connection that flows between people, indeed flows between us. Link-Link is the password.
Sparky
Contrary to what John Gray writes, sometimes Men are from Venus and Women are from Mars, and sometimes they are both from someplace else.
I don’t think anyone can deny the sexual tension and attraction between opposites. I recommend The Art of Intimacy by the Malones as guidance for the transition from that initial attraction to a deeper intimate relation.
We know that Carl Jung wrote the introduction for The Secret of the Golden Flower and so was familiar with the Ying Yang symbol. Among other interpretations, it clearly expresses the idea of Animas-Anima. The white represents the male Yang energy and the black the Yin female energy. Within each is the seed of the other. What we need to remember is that the Taoist model is dynamic. That is there is a cycle between the Yin and Yang. So the anima-animas is not a static state. The process of individuation and the integration of opposites is an ongoing life process. When we force it to remain static it becomes unhealthy.
What I would look for is not someone who is stuck in their role but flexible enough to dance to the shifting rhythms of the love energy. I think that is very similar to your comment:
I find if I behave in the reciprocal manner our communication is superb and when either one of us flips, the challenge is to track the changes. I think it would be wonderful if my partner and I could actually plan and anticipate which of the roles we were going to play in any given situation.
That to me is Tantric sex at its finest.
It would appear that you are entering the final phase of anima male development which is Sophia, or wisdom. But that topic has been discussed in another of your entries.
As for software- to me it's still part of the fun flirting over a glass of wine.
L
Contrary to what John Gray writes, sometimes Men are from Venus and Women are from Mars, and sometimes they are both from someplace else.
I don’t think anyone can deny the sexual tension and attraction between opposites. I recommend The Art of Intimacy by the Malones as guidance for the transition from that initial attraction to a deeper intimate relation.
We know that Carl Jung wrote the introduction for The Secret of the Golden Flower and so was familiar with the Ying Yang symbol. Among other interpretations, it clearly expresses the idea of Animas-Anima. The white represents the male Yang energy and the black the Yin female energy. Within each is the seed of the other. What we need to remember is that the Taoist model is dynamic. That is there is a cycle between the Yin and Yang. So the anima-animas is not a static state. The process of individuation and the integration of opposites is an ongoing life process. When we force it to remain static it becomes unhealthy.
What I would look for is not someone who is stuck in their role but flexible enough to dance to the shifting rhythms of the love energy. I think that is very similar to your comment:
I find if I behave in the reciprocal manner our communication is superb and when either one of us flips, the challenge is to track the changes. I think it would be wonderful if my partner and I could actually plan and anticipate which of the roles we were going to play in any given situation.
That to me is Tantric sex at its finest.
It would appear that you are entering the final phase of anima male development which is Sophia, or wisdom. But that topic has been discussed in another of your entries.
As for software- to me it's still part of the fun flirting over a glass of wine.
L
Dear Larry,
I am totally fascinated by the arc of sexuality between any two human beings. Now that I can tune into that frequency, it is astonishing how important a part it plays in interpersonal interaction. I quite agree that flexibility is eroticising. As you say, the trick is catching the flips. It is interesting that you identify my final goal as Sophia: it is no accident that that is my daughters name. Please consider the fact that we have both hosted a glass of wine and are toasting one another.
Sparky
These are really comments related to your gender class which I thought might interest you. I thought I´d squeeze them in here.
1. This is by John Perkins, I heard the same comment when I visited a neighboring tribe the achuar-
... "I have to agree," the old man said. "In past times the women kept us men under control." He grinned. "We can get pretty wild, hunting and cutting forests, that sort of thing. The women used to say when we had done enough." This talk reminded me of the Shuar of the Amazon. They believe that men and women are equal, yet have different roles. Men kill animals for food, cut trees for firewood, and fight other men. Women raise children, grow crops, tend the household fires, and have the very important job of telling men when it is time to stop. The Shuar explain that men hunt animals and cut trees even when there is enough meat and wood, unless women rein them in. When members of the Shuar visited the United States they were shocked by the way nature had been destroyed and paved over with highways, cities, and shopping malls. "What happened to the women?" they asked. "Why haven't they stopped the men?
2. Dr Riane Eisler- the staus of women is a better indicator of quality of life than GNP.
nuff said
Larry
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