The next thing I knew we were talking on the phone and it is pure conjecture as to which one of us was more surprised. Norman sounded warm, welcoming and I quickly remembered why I felt so comfortable with him. There was a strong connection of energy that flowed effortlessly between us and we took turns in bringing each other up to date and we began starting sentences with “Do you remember the time……….?”
He told me many things that I had forgotten and it was obvious that these memories were still very present in his mind. He said he would be pleased to read my post and comment on whether he felt comfortable with the material in it. I had many of the details twisted around and I am sure that together we can straighten them out into the correct chronological order but that is not the point.
We were successful in recapturing a very meaningful part of our lives and we each were witnesses to the other so we were never alone. I felt that I was reclaiming an important part of the fundamental development of my identity. My son always tells me that I am reinventing myself as I go through developmental changes. His point is accurate but there is still continuity or history.
Norman and I are thinking of visiting each other and I cannot even think of what that would be like. I cannot predict at all where this is going but I know that at the end of this process I will end up sadder and wiser in that order.
I have been thinking long and hard as to the reasons that these events have had such a profound emotional effect upon me. It is clear that I am attempting to gain some sort of resolution or understanding of formative events in my past life. It also helps me remember that friendships made in times of great transition are bonded by epoxy glue. I have always considered myself a friend for life; there is no such thing as a meaningful transitory relationship for me. Even though a person's life may have diverted sharply from mine, we still can go back to the time that we shared together and re-create the importance of that moment. In a specific sense, Norman is a carrier of a past self of mine and I honor him for that.
It turns out that Norman’s relationship with his mother was much more complicated than I originally knew. Norman proceeded to bring me up to date and tell me that the mom that I knew was really his step-mom. His biological mother had died suddenly when Norman was nine and his father remarried. It turned out that Norman’s step-mom attacked him in a fit of rage with a butcher knife. At that point, Norman’s father took Norman out of the house and sent him to a private boy’s school and he never lived under the same roof with his father and step-mom again. He had left Forest Hill High School in the middle of his sophomore year which is why there was a break in our relationship.
The reason why I am so clear about these details is that Norman has been generous enough to send me an autographed copy of a book that he has published. The book is “Our Deal,” 1983. It was an extremely strange experience to read this book since I was reading it simultaneously at three different levels: (1) I was reading it as a novel and taking in the scenes, (2) I personally knew the protagonist, (3) in addition, I was extremely knowledgeable about many of the scenes in the novel and I could see that the writing of the book must have been incredibly therapeutic for Norman. I think it is fascinating that I have embarked on the same journey that he has taken and my book dealing very much with my childhood experiences will be published at the end of the year 2011.
I have sent Norman a copy of my father’s 250 page autobiography in return for his gift to me. I know he will read it with care and favor me with his reaction.
Norman and I have continued to talk and write back and forth. We are making plans for one of us to visit the other and both of us are looking forward to that with enormous enthusiasm.
I do not know what will become of this reconnection but I do know that it nurtures me at a very important level.
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